...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
