I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
