so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
