someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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