I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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