I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
