So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
