Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
