just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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