Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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