Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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