Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
