i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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