is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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