So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
