Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just found puke in my bra..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
