Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's blow job season.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
