Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
