HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
