Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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