OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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