you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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