Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So apparently I’m into choking now
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