It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
