I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
