Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
