So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
