The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
