she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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