her vagina looked like bernie madoff
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize