then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
