FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
