fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
