Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
