I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
