if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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