Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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