So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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