New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He? As in you personified your dick?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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