i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
