So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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