Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
