your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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