Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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