we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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