Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize