I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
