how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
