dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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