I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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