Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
