you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
