I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
