Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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