I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
