just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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