did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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