Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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