WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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