well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
