i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
