you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
