I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
