I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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