1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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