every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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